Sunday, August 3, 2008
Soul Calibur IV: Boner Factory
So maybe when you first saw Yoda and Vader, you thought let's gather up the family and button mash each other and have a grand old time. Well, Mom, Dad, be ready to ponder why every female has the largest possible milk mountains known to man in the polygonal realm and get ready to cover little Susie's eyes as she wonders if that's what she's to look like as she grows up, and speaking of growing, Little Timmy just grew a pair in the process. As far as I know this is the first time feeding bottles this size have hit the PS3, but I know for a fact that the 360 audience has seen hood ornaments like these before. If you've ever popped in a Team Ninja game then you know what I'm talking about. But I must say as I stood before Ivy, her sword/whip in hand, I wondered if she knew that right below her face were two Zeppelins primed and ready to race.
So beyond the chest physics is the game any good? Yes, I'm happy to say very good. You're given a choice of 33 characters if my math is exactly right, which it may not be, but also given the chance to create as many fighters that you would like. While the creation system isn't that chock full of items, there may be enough to craft some characters you wish had been placed into the game. Perhaps you could craft a normal looking female and write up a back story of how she entered the Soul Calibur universe to unleash upon the women and men of the land and undo the deeds of the evil plastic surgeon. Or you could go the complete opposite route and edit a pre-existing character, so many of you will probably pick your favorite vixen and toss her into the ring sans the skimpy clothes she already had.
There's Story mode which is self-explanatory, you run through 5 stages each containing a couple of opponents and then you're granted with an ending cutscene and a sentence or two of text, plot shouldn't be why you pick this game up. There's Arcade mode which is also fun. I spent the majority of my time in the Tower of Lost Souls, which has you fighting special battles to gain rewards. At first you may only go up but once at LVL 20, you can then descend as well. Don't worry, there really isn't a visual castle you're running around in, more menu selecting and then battling. You can play some characters with a button-mashing panache or you can sit down and learn the actual moves, either way you'll have fun. The other cool part is that these rewards are pieces of equipment which you then throw on and get better or different statistics or special traits. Stuff like more health, or a poison touch on the end of your weapon that drains the enemies health after striking them with it. That may seem like something that would offset the balance and flow of the fights, but in the Tower of Lost Souls you're asked to sometimes fight 6-8 people with only 2-3 characters and they also have these sorts of attributes and a health bar that goes beyond the normal amount.
The new addition to the fighting system is the Soul Gauge and the ability to do a Critical Finish. Your Soul Gauge starts out green in a match and while you obviously want to block you don't want to just sit there blocking all day, so to prevent this your Soul Gauge may go from green to red, in which your armor may break off or if it goes red and flashes, your opponent can instantly finish you off with a Critical Finish. It's a Teen rated game so don't expect fatalities like in Mortal Kombat, in fact if you're fighting someone who knows what they're doing these shouldn't come up in battle all that often. It keeps the fights frenetic and fast paced.
Finally rounding out the package is online play over XBL, you get thrown into a little party of 4 and as in the old arcade days, the winner stays on to keep fighting, the loser watches the next fight until his turn comes up again. I didn't experience any lag and this also will give the game some extra legs once you finish the Tower, see every characters ending, and don't have anyone beside you to fight.
I was really hoping the SC Universe would encompass even more well known big screen characters, but if it's any consolation every female comes strapped with Thelma & Louise. That's right, when it came to reviewing a game like this, I had to throw down the euphemisms. You all would have done the same. My job here is done.
Final Verdict: Buy
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